When Trusting in His Plan Gets Tough

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways, acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
~Proverbs 3: 5-6

This has always been one of my favorite verses from the Bible. It is even on my Facebook profile under "favorite quotes," and I have made mention to it in past blog entries. But it has never held the meaning that it does now.

A near and dear friend of mine lost her baby girl a week ago. Actually, at 8:40 (in about 3 mins. from now as I am writing this post) exactly a week ago today, Macy entered the world way too soon. Yet even as a 3 lb. little girl, you could tell she had such an excitement for life. I watched her mom smile and glow over her precious child. I also watched her cry after her baby left this world. That's not something you want to see your friend go through. It's not something you want to see ANYONE go through.

The whole time I kept thinking, "This isn't fair. If this is God's plan, it sucks. They deserved a better plan. They would've been the best parents. They so wanted their little girl. And that little girl deserved to spend more than 16 short hours with her amazing parents. Where is God in all of this?!"

That was a dark place. A place that I luckily did not stay in for long. God showed Himself in many ways on Monday and Tuesday. He allowed for my friend to make it to Children's Hospital in time to visit with her daughter before she went to Heaven. He gave Macy's parents the strength they needed to enjoy her while they had her instead of dwelling on their sadness. He gave them laughter, gave them kisses, gave them tears. Tears that were an outward sign of inward emotion...how much love they had for her, and how disappointed they were to see her go. God gave them their family and friends to surround them with love and support. God gave them time to take in her sweet face and say their hellos and goodbyes. While it wasn't what anyone would have chosen, it was beautiful. It was, in my opinion, God's idea of Greatness. (Crossroads reference there for those of you that go!)

God did not leave them hanging after their goodbyes on Tuesday. He stuck around and made sure they were well cared for. I saw the teachers where we work rally to prepare meals, write cards, send fruit, and just pray for them. I saw peace and stillness as they worked to prepare a memorial service for sweet baby Macy. I saw beautiful pictures that my mother took tell the entire story of Macy's short life. I saw hope, I saw faith, I saw friendship, and I saw love - in the truest definition there is.

I still struggle with the "why's." It doesn't make any sense to me. I'm sure it doesn't make any sense to them. But if I've learned anything from my faith, it is that God's plan is often very different from our own plan. It doesn't have to make sense to us; He knows what He is doing. We just have to keep faith and trust that His plans are better than our own, even when it doesn't appear that way.

On Sunday, Jason and I went with Macy's parents to Church (one of my absolute favorite weekend activities!). The last song we sang held so much truth to what they have had to go through:

"Dwell in the midst of us.
Wipe all the tears from our faces.
Dwell in the midst of us.
You can have your way."

The main verse that we recited over and over and over again was:

"Not my will, but yours be done."

All I kept thinking was of my dear friend reciting these words, with new meaning behind them. This sure wasn't her will, and I know this was the absolute last thing she would've wanted to happen. Yet she has so graciously turned her wants and needs over to God, and has taken up her Cross. Again, a living example of God's definition of Greatness.

I am lucky to have my friends and family. I am lucky to have a God that is so Great and so loving. Without either of these, life would seem pretty meaningless. I am just thankful that Macy got to spend her short 16 hours of life with God, family, and friends. Sweet dreams, little girl. We all love and miss you...

I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends

Last weekend Jason and I went to Crossroads, one of my new favorite weekend activities. The topic of the service was friendship, and it really got me thinking about my friends. (If you're interested in watching the service, go here.) So I decided to dedicate a post on my very neglected blog to those special friends that have blessed my life. While I have many friends and acquaintances, these are the people who have shaped my life in important ways. I have listed them in the order that I met them.

This is my oldest friend, Alison. We met in kindergarten, and she moved away from Ohio when we were in 4th grade. Most of the time when this happens, kids lose touch with their friends because of the distance. Well, not Alison and I! We have maintained a friendship through the years, and distance has not really affected us. We have made many visits to see each other (such as this one, in the Fall of 2008). She is a friend that no matter how long it's been since our last phone call, be it days, months, or even years...we can always pick up right where we left off. I turn into a giddy 5 year old when I am with her, laughing and reminiscing about our "Radio Show" and mint cups. We got to see each other grow up, and were there for each other during all of life's ups and downs. I am lucky to have such a dear friend for such a long amount of time.

Julia is my friend from Ursuline that I have kept in touch with the most. We met our freshman year, and I could post some very embarrassing pictures of us up here (but I won't)! Although, this picture is not the best...we need some new pictures together, Jules! We went through the whole "growing up" phases of life together...high school, transitioning to college, and now being real adults in the working world. She has met every single guy I've dated, and wasn't afraid to give me her opinion of them all! ;) I know I can trust Julia with anything, and she knows me for who I truly am. We have shared beliefs about countless topics, and were president and vice for Teens for Life at UA. We were an awesome team together! While we don't get to see each other nearly enough, I know Julia and I will always share a special friendship.

This is one of my first "new" friends I met at OU, Jackie. I met Jackie in the hallways of our dorm - she was crying because of a stupid boy (haha) and I stopped to make sure she was okay. We have been best friends ever since. Jackie is one of those people that I can tell anything and everything to without feeling judged. I like to think I know her pretty well, and I know she knows pretty much everything there is to know about me! I have many fond memories of laughing until we were crying, complaining about silly boys, making pizzas (or going to Goodfellas!) after late nights at OU, and crying together when we had to leave one another for the summers. I wish she lived closer, but despite the distance, we still talk at least once a week. While you are never sure who you will keep in touch with after graduation day, I have always known Jackie and I would be friends forever. I can't wait to see what life has in store for the two of us!

Sarah and I met through our sorority at OU, AOII. While there were times I doubted my choice to join a sorority, after I met Sarah, I knew it was a great decision. We became fast friends after our retreat, where we stayed up and talked all night while the other girls were doing who-knows-what. Even though she lived in a different dorm freshman year, she came over to my dorm to hang out with us and watch "The Bachelor" and other shows we were all obsessed with. Sophomore year we lived in the AOII house together, which was the size of a very small cubicle. You want to get to know someone quickly, you share next to no space with them for a year! We also lived together our Junior and Senior year at 50. This past year, I had the opportunity to live with her again in my Mason apartment for a few months. Sarah is one of those friends that will listen no matter what, and always thinks of me (I love my yearly birthday cards!). I can't wait to be in her wedding this Sept., and I know she will be in mine someday! :)

Kelly and I met when we were in a Partnership at OU for education majors. We were placed in the same first grade classroom together, which was destiny, if you ask me! We got hired at the same school right out of college, teach the same grade, and our rooms have always been side by side. While we make a good team as teachers, we also make a good team as friends. Kelly is an honest friend that I can always count on when I need an opinion. She has seen me though the good and the bad of relationships, always there with support and advice. I was lucky enough to be in her wedding this past summer, and it was beautiful! So was she - see the above picture for proof! While she lives a decent drive away now in Dayton, she and Shawn will soon be moving to Cincinnati. I am so excited to spend more time with her, and I know there are many great memories waiting for us!

Mandi and I met when we were both hired to teach 1st grade. Even though she is one of my newest friends, she has quickly become one of my closest friends! Mandi is someone that I can talk with for hours on end, and she always has the best advice. She knows exactly what I need in my life - heck, she introduced me to Jason (my boyfriend, for those of you that don't know!), and even encouraged me to build a house in her neighborhood! I love spending time with her on the weekends, and our "boys" get along great. We started going to Crossroads together, which has strengthened both of our spiritual lives and our friendship. Our dogs, Sadie and Hunter, are best buddies...whenever Sadie gets loose outside, I know I can always find her three doors down at Hunter's house looking for her boyfriend! I am so lucky to have such a great neighbor, co-worker, and friend. I can't wait until she has her first baby in May - it will be spoiled rotten! :)

I always have said that someday I want to marry my best friend. Well, I can honestly say that Jason has quickly become one of my best friends over the past year or so! He knows how to make me smile and laugh, and we always have fun together no matter what we do. He has brought out a side of me that no one else really has been able to. I love that he has encouraged me to be the person that I am today. I love that we go to Church every weekend together, and can talk about the topic and share our thoughts on God and religion. We can talk about anything, and it is comforting to know that we are 100% truthful and honest with one another. He trusts me (as he darn well should!), and encourages me to go after my dreams, no matter what they might be. When I decided to build a house by myself, he was nothing but supportive. He didn't ask what was in it for him, or worry that I was being too "independent." He was glad that I could take care of myself, and he respects me more for that. While our relationship and friendship are not "perfect" by any means (whose really is, quite honestly?!), I know that I can tell him anything and that we will work through anything. I love him so much, as my boyfriend and my friend, and I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us!

Overall, I am so blessed with everyone that I have in my life. There are many other friends from high school, college, and work that I could have included in this post. I also could have included my family (who I consider among my best friends, as well), and even Jason's family. For the sake of time, I did not, but know that I love and appreciate everyone that God has put in my life. I am one lucky and loved girl!

Life is Good (Cont'd)

I finally got the picture uploader up and working again, so here are the most current pictures:

Me in front of the house

By the front door/in the family room

Family room / Dining room

Upstairs (loft; extra bedroom door, hall closet)

Master bedroom (such a mess!)

Not really a whole lot else to report. I hope you enjoyed the pics! :)

I almost forgot!

I am grateful for...

1.) My amazing boyfriend, friends, and family that I get to share my life with.

2.) The fact that my house will (hopefully!) be finished by the end of June! Wahoo!!!

3.) 10 more days of school to go! But I will miss my kiddies though...

Life is Good

The past few days and weeks have been a whirlwind. School is coming to an end, and my guy and I never seem to have a moment to spare on the weekends! Yet in all of the craziness, I have come to realize (yet again) how good my life is. I am enjoying every second!

Last weekend J. and I volunteered at GoCincinnati through my new church. J. was not too sure about the whole thing, but was a good sport and went along with my "give back to God and the world" mood. We are BOTH so glad we volunteered at this event! We set up for a HUGE block party that took place in Washington Park, which is in Over the Rhine. For those of you not from Cincy, this is not a good part of town! After setting up, J. and I were asked to help run one of the food stations, and work closely with three of the best chefs from Cincinnati. We mainly worked with the lead chef from Bootsy's, a new restaurant downtown. We served fancy sausages to over 6,000 volunteers and all of the OTR community. You could tell this was one of the best meals these people had ever had! We worked from 9-3:00 straight, but left with smiles on our faces and joy in our hearts. J. even bragged to his friends how much fun it was, which SHOCKED me! God is so good!

Check out these links for more info. on how we spent our Saturday last week:

News 5

Channel 9 News

In other news, I had yet another wonderful weekend. J. and I went out to dinner downtown on Friday, his friend's wedding on Saturday, my family's Memorial Day picnic thing on Sunday, and then today (Monday) we went to IKEA and to the mall. Whew! I got this bookcase for only $50, which will match the $30 desk I found at Organized Living perfectly! I LOVE bargain hunting!!! :) Both will help the loft of my house to not seem so empty (I hope!).

Which brings me to my next point...the house!

It continues to come along more quickly than I could have ever imagined! Here are some new pics of the progress:

For some reason it won't let me post any more pics, so I will make a new entry for those! The above ones were taken on May 17th, and the next ones were taken on May 25th. This should give you some idea on how much work has been done in only about a week's time! :)

God Doesn't Give You More Than You Can Handle

I know I scared some people on Facebook tonight with the status of, "...is trying really hard to trust in God's plan over mine!" Have no fear - all is well in the house, finance, relationship, friendship, health, etc. categories! Thank you, God, for that! I have been blessed in so many countless ways!



What I was referring to is something that me and some of my other fellow teacher friends heard tonight through the grapevine. I will not go into details, but let's just say that my class this year, though chatty and sometimes difficult, will probably be referred to as my "easy class" next year. If what I heard comes to fruition, I will have my hands full and will surely earn every penny of my salary! But this is not an "oh, pity me!" post. It appears that many of my fellow teachers will be in similar boats. I have probably already said too much as it is, so I am going to stop with the details now! But basically that sums up my Facebook post in a nutshell.



This brings me to my point for this post...



I have always heard the saying, "God doesn't give you more than He knows you can handle." In my youth, I would smile at this, feeling peace and comfort in this fact. I also believed that, "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it." Again, I would smile and let go a sigh of relief. Yet sometimes it is hard to believe this fully. Sometimes I want to scream, "God, why do you trust me so much?! Would you cut that out for a little bit?!" I have a hard time naturally seeing the good in bad situations. I want to complain; I want to feel bad for myself; I want to curl into a ball and tell God to make it go away. I even find myself questioning my abilities. "I can't do it!" or "I can't handle this!" are phrases I say to myself. Sometimes I even catch myself saying them aloud to the people in my life. I have to constantly remind myself of those two sayings I heard while growing up. If God gives me certain situations in life, I must have faith that He trusts in my abilities even when I do not trust in my own, and He WILL help to bring me through them.



Thinking about the load that God might be trusting me with next year has made me stop and think about what a light load it really is in comparison to other people's loads. He is giving me the gift of children that need me. In reality, this is a blessing. I should be grateful that He trusts me with kids that so desperately need a patient, loving, and good role model in their lives. So therefore, thank you, God! I will do my best to serve you and the people you put in my life as best as I can. I know you will provide me with all that I need, even those skills that I feel I lack.



So enough about me! I typically don't read too many blogs, but I have stumbled upon three that have been very inspirational for me. I found two through websites of teacher friends, and one through one of my VERY old friend's blogs.



The first is a blog written by a teacher in her 30's who carried a baby to full term and lost him after only a few short minutes of life. I can't even imagine the pain she has felt and continues to feel! God sure trusted her with a lot, and I really admire her ability to continue to trust in His plan, even when something so tragic happened to her. Please check out He Will Carry Me.



The second is another blog about a mother trusting in God's plan for her and her family. She is currently pregnant with conjoined twin girls, Hope and Grace. As of now, the fate of the girls is unknown. Yet when you read this blog, it is so apparent that Luci has placed all of her faith and trust in God's plan. It is refreshing to see someone turn such a scary situation into such a beautiful journey. Please check out The Klare Family Blog.



Finally, I became hooked on the CaringBridge Page of a girl I never met named Meredith. She was friends with some of the girls I teach with, and after a long fight with colon cancer, God called her home last Spring. Her words, her fight, and her MIRACLE remain very inspirational for me. I must admit that I don't think I could remain as trusting in God's plan if I were in Meredith's shoes. Please check out Meredith's CaringBridge Page. If you have time, and want to get the "full effect" of just how amazing this girl was (and I'm sure continues to be in Heaven!), go to "Journal" at the top, and then sort by "date ascending." Her story will touch and inspire you!



So as you can see, I sound very silly for worrying about God's plan for my class next year. I should instead thank Him for the gift of working with His children. There is always someone, somewhere, walking a much rockier path than I!



I am grateful for...

1.) God's plans, no matter what they may be.

2.) Volunteering with GoCincinnati on Saturday, even if I have to be there at 7:30 AM!

3.) Good friends and family that stand by you through all of life's seasons.

House Update / Mother's Day

My house actually looks like...A HOUSE!!!

I am still amazed by how fast my house is going up! It's like every time I go over there, something MAJOR has been done! I never believed them when they told me I'd move in by end of June or early July, but now I do!!! I have to add that the last few pics are not of MY house...they may work quickly, but not THAT quickly!!! ;) My roomie Sarah and I snuck into a house that is almost finished and found MY CABINETS! So of course I took a picture of how they'll look in the kitchen and bathroom! My kitchen will look different though. I have all black appliances (not stainless) and a darker counter top (black with light specs). I also have hardwood floors instead of the vinyl tiles, so I am excited to see how it all comes together! I am a tad bit obsessed with my cabinets though. I think they look very modern and warm the kitchen up. Is it bad to be in love with cabinetry?!?!



Other than the house updates, nothing else is really new here. On Sunday we celebrated Mother's Day with my family and the boy's family. Again, it is so nice to spend holidays with BOTH families...they all genuinely enjoy one another's company, and I could not be more blessed!



My mother is one of the most amazing people I know. She has always been such a wonderful role model for me. She is loving, hard-working, and goes out of her way to help others. I wrote a blog called "On Being a Woman" awhile back that included more about how amazing my mother is. Feel free to check it out if you never got to read it! I honestly don't know what I would ever do without my mom. I am a lucky girl to get along so well with my mother, and I count her as one of my best friends. Here is a video I made for her last year for her Mother's Day present:

I included some pretty embarrassing pictures of my family, huh?!?! I'm sure mom will LOVE that I posted this on here for all to see! ;) Anyway...I love my mom, and am thankful for all she has done, and continues to do, for me. My only hope is that someday I will be as great of a mom to my kids as she has been to my brother and me. Thanks, mom! We all love and appreciate you!!!

I am grateful for...

1.) My mom!

2.) My cabinets and how cute they look! ;)

3.) Mid-week personal days...SO GREAT!!!

...And God said, "Let there be walls!"

I have to make this post fairly quick, as it is presently 10:51 P.M., AKA way too late for this tired teacher to be up on a school night! But I had to post the updated pictures on here, because as the title suggests...I HAVE WALLS!!! Well, the beginnings of them anyway. My house looks so small right now! When I saw the slab I thought, "Is that IT?!" And now with the walls up, it still seems pretty small inside. I guess I just need to see the whole thing together, including the second floor. When I went in my friend's mom's house (same house as mine), it seemed so much bigger! I hope the same will be true of mine when it's finished! Here are some updated pictures, now that I purchased a new USB cord for my camera! :)

I was going to put captions under the pics, but for some reason this site won't let me. I am too tired to try harder to figure out a way to do so - sorry!

Today was one of those days that I felt very frustrated with my job. It felt like everyone was "needing" things last minute, so I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off first thing in the morning. My kids got yelled at by the music teacher, who is seriously the Pied Piper of children. If they made HIM mad, there was no hope for me today!!! It was very hard to stay patient, and I am having a very difficult time enjoying the last few weeks of school with my kids as I vowed I was going to do. Luckily tomorrow is a new day...let's hope it's a better one!

The contractor said they MIGHT be able to finish framing my house by the weekend IF the weather is good. It rained today...ugh. PLEASE pray for sunny weather the next few days! If not for my house (HAHA), for your own happiness and enjoyment!!!

Sorry this post is so random and not very well thought out. Again, I am one tired teacher who has had all of her patience drained from her today! But thanks for putting up with me and reading anyway! :)

On an end note, I found this Bible verse on one of my old college friend's AIM away messages. It is so fitting, especially for what I have been trying to do these past few weeks - put my trust in God's plan over my own.

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths."

~Proverbs 3:5-6

Enough said. Will do, God! ;)

I am grateful for...

1.) Going to bed in about ten minutes. It is MUCH needed!

2.) A new day to start fresh.

3.) Teacher appreciation week, even though some of us didn't get to feel "appreciated" with ice cream today! :( HAHA. Bummer...