When Trusting in His Plan Gets Tough

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways, acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
~Proverbs 3: 5-6

This has always been one of my favorite verses from the Bible. It is even on my Facebook profile under "favorite quotes," and I have made mention to it in past blog entries. But it has never held the meaning that it does now.

A near and dear friend of mine lost her baby girl a week ago. Actually, at 8:40 (in about 3 mins. from now as I am writing this post) exactly a week ago today, Macy entered the world way too soon. Yet even as a 3 lb. little girl, you could tell she had such an excitement for life. I watched her mom smile and glow over her precious child. I also watched her cry after her baby left this world. That's not something you want to see your friend go through. It's not something you want to see ANYONE go through.

The whole time I kept thinking, "This isn't fair. If this is God's plan, it sucks. They deserved a better plan. They would've been the best parents. They so wanted their little girl. And that little girl deserved to spend more than 16 short hours with her amazing parents. Where is God in all of this?!"

That was a dark place. A place that I luckily did not stay in for long. God showed Himself in many ways on Monday and Tuesday. He allowed for my friend to make it to Children's Hospital in time to visit with her daughter before she went to Heaven. He gave Macy's parents the strength they needed to enjoy her while they had her instead of dwelling on their sadness. He gave them laughter, gave them kisses, gave them tears. Tears that were an outward sign of inward emotion...how much love they had for her, and how disappointed they were to see her go. God gave them their family and friends to surround them with love and support. God gave them time to take in her sweet face and say their hellos and goodbyes. While it wasn't what anyone would have chosen, it was beautiful. It was, in my opinion, God's idea of Greatness. (Crossroads reference there for those of you that go!)

God did not leave them hanging after their goodbyes on Tuesday. He stuck around and made sure they were well cared for. I saw the teachers where we work rally to prepare meals, write cards, send fruit, and just pray for them. I saw peace and stillness as they worked to prepare a memorial service for sweet baby Macy. I saw beautiful pictures that my mother took tell the entire story of Macy's short life. I saw hope, I saw faith, I saw friendship, and I saw love - in the truest definition there is.

I still struggle with the "why's." It doesn't make any sense to me. I'm sure it doesn't make any sense to them. But if I've learned anything from my faith, it is that God's plan is often very different from our own plan. It doesn't have to make sense to us; He knows what He is doing. We just have to keep faith and trust that His plans are better than our own, even when it doesn't appear that way.

On Sunday, Jason and I went with Macy's parents to Church (one of my absolute favorite weekend activities!). The last song we sang held so much truth to what they have had to go through:

"Dwell in the midst of us.
Wipe all the tears from our faces.
Dwell in the midst of us.
You can have your way."

The main verse that we recited over and over and over again was:

"Not my will, but yours be done."

All I kept thinking was of my dear friend reciting these words, with new meaning behind them. This sure wasn't her will, and I know this was the absolute last thing she would've wanted to happen. Yet she has so graciously turned her wants and needs over to God, and has taken up her Cross. Again, a living example of God's definition of Greatness.

I am lucky to have my friends and family. I am lucky to have a God that is so Great and so loving. Without either of these, life would seem pretty meaningless. I am just thankful that Macy got to spend her short 16 hours of life with God, family, and friends. Sweet dreams, little girl. We all love and miss you...