What Great Relationships are Made Of

I have been thinking a lot recently about relationships - why some last, why some don't; why some couples are happy, and why some seem miserable. I have seen my fair share of relationships. While I learned a great deal from each one, I can honestly say I am happy my past relationships didn't work out. They were missing key elements that were preventing us from being fully happy, and the relationships never would have lasted long-term.

Now that I am in what I would consider a "great relationship" with J, I realize what is important in a relationship and what isn't. So here are some lessons that I've learned along the way; I hope they can somehow help you in whatever part of your "relationship journey" that you are in!

*The purpose of a relationship is to grow. If you are the exact same person you were when you met your significant other, you have not grown. Your job is to challenge your partner to become the best person they can be. Their job is to encourage you to do the same. You both should be able to pinpoint something that is different in your lives because of the other person's encouragement and support.

*The next important thing in a relationship is compromise. Boy, has this been a hard lesson for me to learn! You are never going to find someone who is 100% like you - they won't have the same interests as you, they won't think like you, and they won't have the same needs as you do. A happy relationship is about give and take. If one person is always giving and the other is taking, that's a problem. Decisions should be made together. Couples should find a compromise that makes both people happy. While I am still learning the art of compromise, I have seen firsthand it's benefits. J and I are both much happier people when we BOTH feel like we "win!"

*If you're going to get married, it should be about that - MARRIAGE. I used to care about my engagement ring, the perfect wedding, colors, centerpieces, and all of that. If you asked me today, I would say give me a ring from Target and let me elope! Don't get me wrong - I want to be surrounded by family and friends that have been so loving and supportive my whole life! But I will not focus all of my energy on that one day. I would rather plan for a great marriage! I am looking forward to (someday!) getting to know Jason better through pre-marital classes/counseling. I am looking forward to having discussions about finances, dreams for our future, saving for college tuitions, and splitting up responsibilities for housework for when we live together. It doesn't matter about registries, wedding drama, and all of that....if at the end of the day I get to say I am married to Jason, I will be the happiest girl on Earth. :)

*Great relationships are filled with a lot of "I'm sorry" 's, "thank you" 's, and "I love you" 's. I am guilty of saying or doing things I shouldn't. I sometimes let my hormones get the best of me and blow things out of proportion. However, once I step back and realize that I have done something to hurt J, I take the time to apologize. If J does something sweet or helpful, I try to remember to thank him for it. And I NEVER let a day go by without telling him how much I love him! I think we sometimes get so caught up in the everyday craziness that we forget to take the time to tell people how much they mean to us. So even on those days that I am feeling stressed, angry, or upset, I will not go to bed unless I have told Jason that I love him.

*Realize that your spouse isn't perfect...and neither are you! It is easy to hold our partners up to perfect standards. It's easy to focus on their flaws or areas in which they could improve. However, we ALL have flaws, so instead of focusing on how our partner can better themselves, we should look at ourselves first. It's much easier to accept our partner's flaws when we see how imperfect we are!

*Have a few good "role model" couple friends, and turn to them when things get tough. There have been countless times when I've felt frustrated in my relationship, but after talking with a good, non-judgemental friend, I feel so much better about things. Life's not made to go at it alone, and neither are relationships!


*Communication is KEY. You need to be able to talk to your partner about anything and everything - the good, the bad, the ugly. There should be no secrets in your relationship. If something bothers you, tell your partner. Don't worry if they'll think you're silly, unreasonable, etc. I have found that holding things in to keep the waters calm often causes much more damage in the long run. So talk, talk, talk, TALK!

*On the flip side, listen, listen, listen, LISTEN!!! If your partner wants to share something with you, be there to listen. Don't butt in with advice or opinions right away. Be a shoulder to lean on, a positive support system, and always respect your partner's feelings.

There are plenty more qualities that I think great relationships are made of, but I am in desperate need of sleep! Perhaps I will pick back up on this topic at a later time. Leave comments below if you think of any other qualities of great relationships! I would love to learn from the knowledge that all of YOU have gained through the years! :)