The Gift of the Memorable Child

The Gift of the Memorable Child
The child that is my challenge is a gift.
Only he can give me
The gifts of patience, tolerance, and acceptance -
If I let him.
He will be the one to make me into a true Teacher
And challenge my very soul.
I can learn more from this child
Than from much of my college coursework -
If I choose to.
A child is not something that is "broken"
For me to "fix".
This child comes to me a unique individual
Worthy of love - just as he is.
Will I choose to rise to the occasion?
Or be yet another to throw my hands up?
Do I have it in me to maybe be the one that can make a difference?
Is he maybe the one that will make a difference in me?
Will I choose to let him?
~Cathy Abraham~

This poem is hanging on my refrigerator in my apartment, along with other sources of inspiration such as cards from "my kids," emails from parents, and other words of encouragement. All of these remind me why it is that I am a teacher. And why I love it.

I have two children in my class that were labeled as "challenging." When I got their paperwork from kindergarten, I cringed. I dreaded the year. How was I going to help these children? What if I couldn't handle them? Those two have become two of my "favorites." (But shhhh! Don't tell!) I viewed working with them as a GIFT, not a CHORE. I had a different opinion of such "challenging" children my first year of teaching. I did not treat them as gifts, and it showed. But this year I have seen a difference in not only me, but in those challenging children as well.

One child never socialized, never participated in class, and could not function in an academic environment when he came to me. He had no aide. WHAT?! Months later, he now plays games with other children, is reading and writing, and just today participated in a class discussion. He provided a response that made sense and was correct! The kids were so proud of him, saying, "That was really smart, Tom*! Good job!" It brought tears to my eyes...

The other child was angry. Only when provoked usually, but he did not know how to handle himself when things did not go his way. He still gets mad, and I still have to talk to him on an almost daily basis. However, he has become remorseful. He can say, "Miss Ruwe, I made a mistake. I'm sorry." He can look peers in the eyes and say, "I'm sorry, I won't do it again," and shake their hand. That is a big step for him. And again, I couldn't be more proud of his progress.

I have improved as well. I no longer feel exhausted or frustrated with these types of children. I have become the patient, kind, and encouraging teacher I have always wanted to be. And I credit it all to those "challenging" gifts that I have been blessed with.

On another note...today was the last day before Thanksgiving Break. I will not see my students for five days. No big deal, right? Well, apparently not to my kids. They were hugging me at the end of the day and saying, "Miss Ruwe, we'll miss you!" I kept saying, "Yes, but it's only five days! You'll see me again on Monday, sillies!" But to be honest, I will miss them, too. I won't miss the paper grading or hearing my name called about a million times a day, but I will miss them. And THAT right there is proof enough that I am doing exactly what God intended for me to do.

* = Again, I will not put people's real names in my posts! Privacy is a MUST!!!

What Every Girl Deserves

Every girl deserves to feel she is valued and loved.
Every girl deserves to eat ice cream sundaes.
Every girl deserves to be made a priority.
Every girl deserves to be kissed on the forehead.
Every girl deserves to be taken on dates.
Every girl deserves to have her voice heard.
Every girl deserves to get dressed up once in awhile.
Every girl deserves to dance in front of a mirror.
Every girl deserves to have fun and smile.
Every girl deserves to make her own decisions.
Every girl deserves to do what interests her.
Every girl deserves to feel safe.
Every girl deserves to follow her passion.
Every girl deserves to cry and laugh.
Every girl deserves to demand respect.
Every girl deserves to be happy.

Just a little something I came up with tonight! :)

I am grateful for...
1.) The new Taylor Swift CD - it is AMAZING!
2.) A five-day weekend!!!
3.) My "teacher" friends (you know who you are!)

Inspiring Video

I'm not usually one to post videos, but this one is worth sharing. I got it from "The Secret" website (yes, I am THAT obsessed...). The pictures and music are a little corny and dramatic, but I love the words! It amazes me that simply watching this can instantly put me in a better mood. Again, if you have never read "The Secret," GO BUY IT NOW!!! It will change your way of thinking, and in turn, change your life!

Enjoy! :)

The Wonderful World of Writing

It's true what they say...you never know how much you valued something until it's gone. I knew I valued writing, as it was a large part of my life growing up. I wrote countless amount of poetry, an annual Christmas play for my little cousins to perform, and even began many chapter books that I swore would become best sellers. But I let it go. I traded my words for college homework and roomie bonding time. (For the record, I wouldn't trade my roomies for the world!!!) Then after college, the distractions continued...grading papers, writing lesson plans, working on my masters, and still trying to manage some sort of a social life. When was there time to write? And if there was time....where was my energy and drive to write?! Thankfully, I had an awakening. I need writing to stay sane...it's my way of relaxing. Some people find comfort in having a beer after work; I find comfort in sitting at a computer and getting my thoughts down. And to think I've denied myself this need for the past...how many years?! I've missed it. And now that I have it back, I feel so much better. This revisited passion of mine got me thinking about my past life as a writer. I scoured through my apartment in search of the project I did for my "Prayer and Spirituality" class at UA. I had chosen to write poems and other short pieces, and then I photographed things that I felt awakened my spirit and complemented my writing. I flipped through the folder and thought, "Hey, I was a pretty smart girl at the tender age of 17!" Now, I realize that I am a little biased, of course. ;) But I figured I would share some of my old writing with you, because it still speaks to me now, even as an adult. So here we go...


What Schools Should Teach...
1.) Don't listen to the opinions of anyone else: the only voices that matter are your intuition and heart.
2.) Grades don't measure knowledge, they only reveal whether or not you take tests well or that you're a good guesser.
3.) It's okay to look in the mirror and see imperfections....as long as you accept them.
4.) It is a good thing to be a person that gives good advice. It is a greater thing to be a person that listens to advice.
5.) You learn a lot from a broken heart.
6.) Mistakes are a good thing - they give you a chance to learn.
7.) Everyone dislikes their parents at one time or another, but that doesn't give you the right to say hurtful things.
8.) Always be cautious with your heart, but never be too afraid to let yourself love or be loved.
9.) Always put time in your schedule for you to spend alone time with yourself.
10.) If things in life are down, they're bound to go back up sooner or later.
11.) Love yourself first - then love others.
12.) You will never be happy if your life mission is to make other people happy all of the time.
13.) You can't make a person like you, but you can make yourself into a person that doesn't stress over that fact.
14.) Always know what you deem important, and never let anyone tell you it is less than you feel it really is.
15.) Always begin and end your day with a smile.
16.) Realize that popularity is just something that is perceived. We are all equal, and deserve to be treated as equals.
17.) Even if you feel no one is proud of you, be proud of yourself.
18.) Always be on the lookout for little lessons life has to offer.

When I was a Girl

When I was a girl,

Life was easy and carefree.

I felt like a butterfly,

Fluttering through each day,

Looking for new adventures.

I obeyed my mother,

Idolized my dad.

I played with dolls,

Enjoyed the outdoors,

And always had a smile upon my face.

But things are different now.

The girl I once knew is now a woman.

There are just as many tears as laughter,

As much heartache as joy.

The petty fears of monsters under the bed,

And the boogie man have vanished;

Replaced with fears of the future,

Fears of the real world,

Fears of myself.

The unknown lurks behind every crevice of my life,

And I never know what to expect.

My mom and I fight,

I don't feel like a "daddy's girl" anymore,

And friends are closer.

What once were called "meanies" and "bullies,"

Are now called "b*tches" and "sluts."

Boys are after more than just a game of tag,

And dating can be nightmarish.

Dances don't seem so glamorous when searching for a date.

Depression creeps in slowly,

Because of the reality of the world,

Of how cruel people can be,

And because of the girl vanishing.

My heart gets shattered more easily now.

Be it because of a boy,

Or a friend,

Or... even myself.

My body doesn't seem to look the way I wish it.

People don't accept so easily now,

And exclude more frequently.

No one sees the positive in a situation,

Only the negative.

The sun doesn't shine so brightly now,

And wishing on stars doesn't seem to help much.

But is this necessary to grow up?

In a way, yes,

Because we learn,

We grow,

And we become stronger because we've survived it.

But what would happen if once in awhile,

We let the little girls inside of us break free?

What if we look on the bright side of things,

Take on new adventures,

And notice how blue the sky really is on a spring day?

What if we wish upon a star for something our heart desires?

Would that be such a bad thing?

Yes, we must grow up to be strong women,

But we mustn't let the girl inside of us disappear.

She must stay with us,

Inspire us,

And even sometimes show up in us.

We mustn't ever forget her.

Plea of Love

You take my quivering hand...

Please don't squeeze too tight.

You listen to my words...

Please don't twist them into something else.

You look into my eyes...

Please don't look too far into my soul.

You talk to me...

Please don't criticize.

You give me your attention...

Please don't call me greedy.

You take my heart in your hands...

Please don't break it.

You say you love me...

Please love my fragility, too.

I am grateful for...

1.) Writing again.

2.) Homemade cheese quesadillas and tomato soup (strange combo, I know...but they sounded good for dinner!)

3.) A two-day work week! :)

Fun First Grade Fact of the Day:

(This is random...but I had to throw it in somewhere!)

This new segment was sparked by a child in my class named "Awesome." Of course that's not his real name, but his actual name is just as funny and fitting! ;) (If you know my class, you know who I am talking about!)

Awesome: "Miss Ruwe, did you know that the first letters of "Saturn," "Uranus," and "Neptune" spell the word "sun?"

Me: "No, Awesome, I did not."

(I walk away with a puzzled look on my face...)

What do you know? Those planets are side by side and their first letters do, in fact, spell the word "sun." I have come to the conclusion that my first graders appear to be smarter than me. Seriously?!?! Who thinks of that stuff?!?!

One more thing...it's driving me nuts that the end of my post is all squished together...I think it's too long, and they therefore won't let me put breaks in it. So sorry. You probably didn't even notice, but I am a bit of a perfectionist...

Role model for singlehood???

I love my students. Sometimes I love the funny things they say just as much! On Friday I had a little girl in my class (we'll call her "Katie") cock her head to the side and ask, "Miss Ruwe, are you single?"
"Single?" I asked. "What do you mean, Katie?"
"I mean, are you single?"
I just laughed. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, never mind...." she sighed as she got back to work. I simply walked away, laughing under my breath about the conversation I had just had.

A few minutes later I heard Katie talking with her peers at her table. "When I grow up, I want to be single like Miss Ruwe."

Well, at least I could be a role model for my girls. Moral of the story : it's okay to be single. And sometimes, it's pretty great.

I'm not saying that I am actually SINGLE single. Of course I have my wonderful boyfriend who makes me very NOT-single. But I am one of only two first grade teachers who is not engaged and has never been married. The only other person in my "boat" is fresh out of college and in her first year of teaching. Last year I was the only person. I have to admit that this bothered me. It killed me every time someone got engaged, married, or had a baby. You have to understand that they make it really bad at my school - they post all these "updates" on our electronic bulletin board. With each new "update" I was made to feel like I was a minority for not being "settled." What was wrong with me?!

I have learned to be content with my "singlehood." So what if I am not engaged or married yet? I would rather be picky and know what I want than end up in a failed marriage that I rushed into just to check it off my "To Do" list. I am not saying that the people I know who are married or engaged did this! But I think I just may have. I was willing to "settle" for less-than-perfect just to join "Club Wed." Not anymore. I am picky. I want to make sure that the guy I marry is perfect. Not "perfect" perfect, because let's face it...no one is. But perfect for me. And if it takes me years and years to get to that, so be it.

And you know what? I like my life right now. I like living alone (who would have thought, right?!). I like being picky. I like the fact that Sadie, my yellow lab, is my only "child" right now (though I sometimes think a real child might be easier to raise!). I like knowing that I deserve the best, and that one day it WILL be my turn to "settle down" with someone without having to "settle."

And in the process, I am teaching my students a lesson that goes beyond the content areas. I am teaching them that it is perfectly okay to be twenty-five and "single." That you don't need a man to make you happy. That you need to be complete alone before anyone else comes along. And that being single can actually be "cool!"

I am grateful for...
1.) Living alone.
2.) Sadie.
3.) The feeling of being content and living in the present.

Relationship Advice from "The Break-Up"

Last weekend USA ran a marathon of "The Break-Up" starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. I recorded it because I remember loving that movie in the theatre. Yet I never realized how much can be learned from the characters of Brooke and Gary. Here are some memorable quotes from the movie, along with what I think can be learned from them:

Gary: “Fine, I’ll help you do the dishes...”
Brooke: “You know what? No, that’s not what I want.”
Gary: “What do you mean? You just said you want me to help you do the dishes.”
Brooke: “No, I want you to WANT to do the dishes… It would be nice if you did the things I asked…it’d be even nicer if you did things without me having to ask you!”

Okay boys...here is a very quick and easy lesson for you. Women think men helping with housework is sexy. Seriously. We like to feel that our men want to help take some things off our plates. Simply seeing a man vacuuming or doing some dishes is all a woman needs to be head over heels. A little strange, I know, but true. And sometimes she might deny your help. My new guy has offered to help do dishes after meals, and sometimes I let him help me and other times I say, "No, I have it...but thanks for offering." And you know what? That offer is all I need to feel like he values, appreciates, and loves me. Simple as that. Don't believe me? Check this out to learn more about "choreplay":
http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2008/10/modern-foreplay-washing-the-dishes-together/

Brooke: “It’s not about you loving the g*d d**n ballet, Gary! It’s about how the person you love loves the ballet and you want to spend time with that person.”
Gary: “But not at the ballet….”
Brooke: “It’s not about the ballet, forget the ballet! We don’t go anywhere together!”
Gary: “We just went to Ann Arbor together.”
Brooke: “To Ann Arbor! To the Michigan/Notre Dame game. You think…heh…you think screaming drunk kids and leprechauns doing back flips…that’s fun…that’s fun for me. I did that for you. How do you show up for me?”

Relationships are tough. The whole point of a relationship is trying to join two very separate and different lives together. In my experience, opposites attract. Therefore, what I enjoy and what makes me feel calm and relaxed is very different from what my partner likes to do. I think the bases of a relationship need to be communication and compromise. Communication because, as I said in my "Nagging vs. Needing" entry, you need to be able to say what you want. Trust me, I spent way too much of my dating life being too afraid to come right out and say what I wanted and needed. I have learned (the hard way) that you have to have that communication, even if you know it's not what your partner wants to hear. How can someone give you what you need if they don't have a clue what that is? Once the communication piece is in place, couples MUST learn the art of compromise. I am not talking about compromising who you are to appease your partner. I am not asking anyone to change who they are and what they like. However, everyone needs to be willing to go outside their comfort zone for the person they love. I go to bars with my guy because that's what he likes to do for fun. Is it what I would choose to do? Absolutely not. But I go because I love him, and that's just what you do. Same goes for Bengals games. Anyone that knows me knows I am not a football fan, and the idea of sitting outside in the freezing cold is definitely not my idea of a relaxing weekend. However, if my guy were to ask me to go with him, I would go. I would layer on the clothing, buy some heavy-duty gloves and a hat, plant a smile on my face, and be a good sport. However, compromise needs to be a two-way street. If it's one person giving in to the wants and needs of the other all the time, that is not compromise - that is not having a backbone. I asked my guy to go to IKEA with me today. I knew he didn't want to. I knew that was not his idea of fun. But do you know why I asked him? Because if I'm going to do things to make him happy, I deserve for him to go out of his way once in awhile and do the same for me. I was a little nervous about asking him to do it. What if he didn't want to go? What if he blew me off? Thankfully, he went willingly. I felt special. It meant the world to me that he would go on a shopping escapade and be a good sport about it. That stupid IKEA trip meant more to me than a dozen roses. He did something he didn't really want to do because he knew I would appreciate it. And I did. And I think he even enjoyed himself a little bit...joking about the crazy old lady who decided to tell me the entire story about why her husband was walking so slow, and spinning the cart in circles every time we got to a spot big enough to do so (next time you're at IKEA, try it! Those carts can SPIN!).

What I'm trying to say is that no relationship is perfect. Most likely, you're not going to agree all the time. You may be asked to do things you don't want to do, but you should do them out of love. If two people can agree to communicate and compromise with one another, I feel they can make it through pretty much anything. Yet if one person is not able to do those two things, I would worry about the relationship succeeding. Relationships need to be 50/50, and it takes both parties working hard and making sacrifices for things to work out.

And sadly, Brooke and Gary did not work out in "The Break-Up." I feel it was because they did not communicate properly, they both were not willing to compromise, and they did not appreciate one another.

Brooke: "I just don't know how we got here. Our entire relationship, I have gone above and beyond for you, for us. I've cooked, I've picked your shit up off the floor, I've laid your clothes out for you like you're a four year old. I support you, I supported your work. If we ever had dinner or anything, I did the plans, I take care of everything. And I just don't feel like you appreciate any of it. I don't feel you appreciate me. All I want is to know... is for you to show me that you care."
Gary: "Why didn't you just say that to me?"
Brooke: "I tried. I've tried."
Gary: "Never like that...you might have said some things that were meant to imply that, but I'm not a mind reader..."
Brooke: "It wouldn't matter... you are who you are. Just leave me alone, ok? Right now, just shut my door."
Gary: "Listen..."
Brooke: "Alright Gary, just please, just leave the room. Gary just... I don't want to be near you right now, please just shut the door, please."

We can all learn a lot from "The Break-Up." Watch it if you get the chance!

I am grateful for...
1.) My trip to IKEA.
2.) Sleeping in on the weekends.
3.) Communication and compromise.

On Being a Woman

I love being a female. I would not change it for the world. I love the girly clothes, I love the girly colors, I love the ability to belt out chicky pop songs in my car, I love being sensitive and hormonal, and I love being strong and smart. I also love all of the females in my life. Each one is unique in her own way, and inspires me daily. I have some friends who are perfectly content with being single, and choose to enjoy every second of it. I also have some friends getting ready to settle down with their men and live "happily ever after." And of course there are many in the middle of the spectrum, right alongside yours truly! I have friends that call me crying when the world seems to be crashing down all around them. I have friends that I can turn to when I need advice, a smile, or just to vent. I don't know what my world would be like without these amazing women in it. Not very much fun, and pretty darn lonely, if you ask me.

Another inspiring woman in my life is my mother. She may be reading this, as she recently joined the fabulous world of Facebook and now has access to my personal blog! Haha. She has always been a source of strength for me. My mother is amazing. She went back to college and completed her degree when I went to college. She went to class with students the age of her DAUGHTER. That takes some guts! Not only that, but she kept her job working at the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. How she balanced me, my brother, my father (child #3), her job, her studies, the housework, and her sanity....I'll never know! I always get cards from her on my birthday telling me how proud she is of me. I wish they made cards about daughter pride for their mothers! Sadly, they don't. But I will give her some public admiration on here, so I hope that counts for something...

When I was in the midst of walking away from a big chapter of my life (we'll call it "Relationship #3"), my mom was there for me. She told me the things she knew I needed to hear, along with the things she knew I wasn't going to like. That's love right there. She sent me an email forward that she knew I would like, but I don't think she ever knew just how much I appreciated it. I printed it off and have held onto it because I think it is so great. I try to follow it to the best of my abilities, and have recently checked some of the suggestions off my "To Do" list. It is claimed in the email forward that Maya Angelou wrote it, but that is apparently not true according to snopes.com. It was written by a woman by the name of Pamela Redmond Satran - a pretty smart lady by my standards! I have included the poem here for you to read, reflect, and perhaps even share with the sensitive and strong women in your lives.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
By Pamela Redmond Satran


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....Enough money within her control to move out...And rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...A youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her Old Age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....One friend who always makes her laugh...And one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....A feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...How to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...When to try harder...And WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...That her childhood may not have been perfect...But it's over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...How to live alone...Even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...Where to go...Be it to her best friend's kitchen table...Or a charming inn in the woods...When her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...What she can and can't accomplish in a day...A month...And a year...