Why My Life is So Great

I don't feel like writing a lot, especially because I should be in bed right now. So here is a quick list about why my life is so great. And yes, I am a little partial! ;)

*I have a great family, and have a great relationship with my parents.
*I got my dream job right out of college. How lucky is that?!
*I can afford an apartment and furnishings all by myself.
*I have the sweetest dog ever, even if she can have her moments at times...
*I get hugs and am told everyday how great I am by "my kids."
*I have kept in touch with my close friends, and I know for a fact we'll stay friends forever! I still have my best friend from kindergarten, and multiple friends from high school and college.
*I have branched out and met new people, including a few girls I work with that now are among some of my closest friends.
*I have a good heart, and genuinely want what's best for everyone.
*I have a wonderful assortment of children's books.
*I am smart and motivated to succeed in life.
*I can read people easily, and am usually a good judge of character.
*I believe in God and can trust in His plan for me.
*I smile at people I pass, even if they don't smile back.
*I know how to love, and how to accept love in return.
*I surround myself with good, kind people, and they in turn help my life to be good and kind.
*I know who I am, and I choose to be that person each and everyday.

I don't mean to sound conceited. I just had been feeling a little "down" in my last few posts, and needed to remind myself of all I have going for me! It worked - I'm a pretty cool and lucky girl! :)

I am grateful for...
1.) Who I am.
2.) Cuddling with Sadie.
3.) Pending snow! :)

Thoughts about Relationships

Tonight I've been thinking a lot about relationships...past, present, and future. Here are a few of those thoughts, as random and as scattered as they may be...

Past

I have come to the realization that I was practically married to guy #3. I basically lived at his house, cleaned, took care of our "baby" (Sadie), decorated the house, and tried desperately to make the relationship work. I got into such a routine with him...I called him every day as I was leaving work and asked what he wanted to do for dinner. I tried to coordinate weekend plans so that we could have a "date night" one night and he could have a night out with his friends the other. I let my world revolve around him because I figured he would possibly one day be my husband. But then I woke up one day and realized that I wasn't married to him, and that I was giving him his cake and letting him eat it, too. I had lost myself. I was an unhappy married woman, when in fact I wasn't even really married at all...

Present

I have found these "routines" of guy #3 creeping into my relationship with guy #4. I am so accustomed to "married dating life" that I feel like I've forgotten what "newly dating life" is like. I still like to know what he wants to do for dinner, but have found that sometimes those plans don't involve me. I get frustrated when I feel like we don't have "date nights" and instead spend our entire weekend in groups at bars. I somewhat mentioned this in the last blog, when I felt like I was PMSing but really wasn't. I had a bit of a breakdown that night because it has all gotten too much to bear sometimes. It's like I want to skip over all this beginner dater's crap and get to the "good stuff" in my opinion. So I told him how I desperately needed a night this weekend to be just "us." So we did, and it was FABULOUS. We went out to dinner at Palomino's downtown, overlooking Fountain Square and all of the holiday festivities. We checked out the ice skating rink, but decided it was much too cold to brave the ice! (Plus, I would've fallen on my butt more than likely! Haha.) We rented movies and watched one that night, as he nudged me every so often to make sure I was awake (which I was about 50% of the time!). All of my teacher friends out there can vouch for me on how hard it is to stay awake during a movie on a Friday night after a week of 6 and 7 year olds! I felt much better about things after our date night. My needs were met, and I could stop the nagging! I hope we can do it again sometime soon.

Future

#4 called me tonight, and we had a good conversation (as always!). Time lines came up in the conversation, and he asked me why I feel like I have to be married by 30. I explained that if I get married at 30, and my husband wants to wait a few years before kids, that puts me at 32 or 33 with my first kid. And then my 2nd would be when I'm like 35 or 36, which would be hard to get pregnant and more risky for the baby. Yes, I think about these things! Then he asked me what would happen if I did get married someday and couldn't get pregnant. Couldn't I be happy with just my husband? Hmmm... I didn't want to sound like some maternal nutcase, but the answer was practically "as a last resort, yes I could." I explained that if that were the case, I would try infertility treatments and then adoption if those didn't work. And if in the end I was still without a child after years and years of trying, I would assume God had other plans for me than parenthood and I would try to live a happy life. But do you know how hard that would be for me?! Anyone that knows me knows how much I love children. That's the whole reason I am a teacher! The idea of never having any of my own scares the crap out of me. I feel like I was put on this Earth to be a teacher and a mother (and of course a wife, too!). Family is everything to me. I can't picture a family without children, I just can't. So I may sound selfish, and I may be somewhat living on a timeline, but I just can't compromise on that. And I am typically ALWAYS willing to compromise! Luckily, #4 is great with kids. I know he wants them, whether he thinks that's in three or ten years from now. But that conversation kind of scared me - should I be okay with the possibility of not having kids, or do I have the right to not accept that fate unless absolutely necessary? And am I crazy for thinking about this at 25?! Oh my...

Relationship with me

#4 went to the Bengals game with friends today, and then out to celebrate their win (WOW!) at some bars afterwards. I was invited, but couldn't go due to my stupid Master's paper (yuck). Once the paper was done in the early evening, I found myself sitting around waiting on #4. Would he want me to make dinner? Should I drive downtown and meet him at the bars? I decided I was reverting back to "Married Kristi," as I was when I was with #3. My life should NOT revolve around someone else until I am married. And even when I am married, I shouldn't "revolve" aroud someone else...but work with their schedule and needs, I suppose. This is hard for me, because I am a natural born giver. I want to make everyone happy, and I want to make people feel valued and loved. I am also the type that likes to be around people. I lived with my family all my life, then roommates that became family in college, then #3, and now it's just Sadie and me. Most of the time I am okay with living alone. Many times I actually like it. But there are some times when I miss the company of others. I want someone to eat dinner with. I want to watch TV with a companion. Tonight was one of those nights. So what did I do? I showered, made myself presentable, and went SHOPPING!!! I needed some new "going out" clothes (since I go out so much more often now!), and I had a coupon for 15% off at Kohl's. Then I went to Target because I had a gift card. By the time I got home, I wasn't lonely anymore...even though I was alone the entire time I shopped! I am learning that this whole living alone thing is a process, and one day I won't feel the need to ask #4 over for dinner so often. And that will probably be the day when I will have someone to eat dinner with every night. I am beginning to understand that before I can have someone around all the time, I need to be content being alone with just me. So I am working on that!

I am grateful for...
1.) The two new necklaces I bought tonight! Can't wait to wear them!
2.) Learning it's okay to be alone.
3.) Trusting in God's plan for me.

PMS with no period?!?!

I apologize in advance to any men that may have happened upon my blog. I recommend you stop reading this particular entry....NOW. (Haha)

Anyway...tonight I feel like I usually do right before I start my period. You ladies know... emotional, pissy, and even dare I say it? A little bitchy. But the strange thing is that I am not getting my period anytime soon! So I guess I just have a bad case of the Mondays...I mean...Thursdays...

It started when I got my hair cut. It is so short! Much shorter than I think I had requested. It will grow, as it always does. But that did not put me in a very good mood. After the haircut fiasco...

My guy and I had our first official "discussion" of our relationship tonight. I won't call it a fight, because that's not what it was. But we were both tired and cranky, and for some reason I fixated on not getting to see him tonight and it all just spiraled down from there. Side note - do you ever just feel the need for a hug? Or to be cuddled? I don't know why, but I was sooooo craving that tonight. Hence why I was probably upset when I found out I wasn't going to see him as I had hoped. I suppose Sadie will have to do for now...

I am happy to report that all is well in the relationship department. I get to plan a date for us to do tomorrow night, and he has promised that we will not end up at a bar at any point in the night. I am so excited! I have a couple ideas about what we might do...all are interactive and all help to create QUALITY time together! I've really needed that. I don't know why, but hanging out in a group at bars just doesn't qualify as quality time in my book anymore. But maybe that's just the 40-year-old lady that lives in my 25-year-old body talking! ;)

The funniest part of the night was after I got off the phone with him. Feeling like I was PMSing (when seriously...I'm NOT!), I decided that Skyline chili dip sounded like the best option for dinner. I filled the bottom of the glass bake ware with cream cheese (fat free! I promise!), and went to dump in the can of chili. Well what do you know? It was a can for a 3-way...noodles in the chili and all! Ewwww. Now I was faced with a dilemma - what to do next? Throw away the cream cheese and noodles/chili? Make it anyway and eat the dip with noodles? Well, I made it...noodles and all. I must say that it wasn't very good. But I was pissy and in need of a fattening meal, gosh darn it! So word to the wise...double check the cans of Skyline before buying!

On a happier note, there were some positives to my day (as there always are). My kids made me "notes," as has become the trend within the past two weeks for some reason. My favorite today was written by a little girl, and all it said was, "We are koalas. We never give up." (My class mascot is a koala, by the way...) My second favorite said, "You are the best teacher in the whole wide world." Now those can only bring a smile to my day! :)

Also, I realize I have the best girlfriends anyone could ever ask for. I am even lucky enough to work with two of them. It has occurred to me recently just how much I need "girl's nights" in my life. I am working on planning at least one a month. Let me know if you're in! Us girls gotta stick together, right?!?!

Sorry if this entry was kind of a downer. I always try so hard to be upbeat and positive! But it's not realistic to think life is always going to be like that. Sometimes you're in a bad mood, and sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to. And sometimes you're too tried to think of creative things to say and just have to talk about the "everyday happenings!" So thanks for bearing with me! ;)

I am grateful for...
1.) Being honest, even if it might ripple the waters.
2.) Skyline chili dip WITHOUT noodles in it! Who would've thought!!!
3.) FRIDAY!!!

Live a Life That Matters

I realize I haven't written in awhile. I guess I feel like I should write about something of value, and not just the small happenings of my days. Honestly, nothing really of value has happened to me recently (aside from strep throat - oh boy!). But I finally have a topic idea and the "urge to write," so TA-DA! Blog update! ;)

My boyfriend had a friend of the family pass away this week. Me, being the WONDERFUL girlfriend that I am (HAHA), joined him at the funeral home for the viewing. I am not a fan of death. Looking at a dead body in a casket is horrifying to me. Seeing people cry over a lost loved one breaks my heart. But seeing someone whose life is over is always very eye-opening and sobering for me.

My grandma passed away two years ago. She was a sweet woman; someone that I can only hope to be like one day. Her mind started going a few years before she died, and it made me so sad when she would repeatedly tell me how much I loved apple juice when I was little. She would tell the story of me going to the refrigerator and saying, "appajus! appajus!" probably three or four times every single visit. To this day, whenever I drink a glass of apple juice with my cereal in the mornings, I think of her. A little strange, I know...but it is a small part of her that I'm sure will stay with me forever, especially if I have a child someday with the same love for apple juice as his or her mother!

I have a strange way of knowing when people have died. When my grandpa (this grandma's husband) died, I was only in the 4th grade. Since he was in hospice and my parents knew his time was running out, I stayed at my aunt and uncle's house for those last few nights. I remember crying one particular night, and told my cousin that I just knew he had died. And sure enough, the next day I found out this was the case. YEARS later, as an adult, I again knew my grandma's time was running out. She had been put into an induced coma, and her body was quickly failing her. On the way to school one morning, I happened to turn the radio to a country channel. This is out of my normal routine, as I never really listen to that particular channel, and definitely not in the mornings! Anyhow...the morning talk show host read the following poem over the air:

Live A Life That Matters

Ready or not,
someday it will come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises,
no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected,
whether treasured or forgotten,
will pass to someone else.

Your wealth,
fame and temporal power
will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned
or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations,
and jealousies will finally disappear.

So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans,
and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses
that once seemed so important
will fade away.

It won’t matter where you came from,
or on what side of the tracks you lived,
at the end.

It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought,
but what you built;
not what you got,
but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success,
but your significance.

After hearing that poem, I knew in my gut that my grandmother had died. No one had to tell me, I just knew. And sure enough, after school, my mom called to tell me she had passed that morning. I of course raced around trying to find that poem, even calling the radio station to see if they could email me a copy of it for the funeral. I wanted to read it at the funeral, because I honestly believe my grandmother did just what was described in that poem. My family had made other plans for the eulogy, so I never did get to read it. However, I will always know in my heart that hearing that poem on the radio was a sign from God that my grandma had gone peacefully; it was also a reminder for how I should live my life.

I think many of us take our lives for granted. I know I do. I assume that I will live to be an old age, and that I will get to do all of the things I want to in my life. Yet I know this is not guaranteed. I also assume that my parents will be around long enough to see me get married and have children of my own someday. Unfortunately, this is not guaranteed either. Life is short and unpredictable. Sometimes God has plans for us that we can not understand. I have seen many people die in their 50's, before their parents and way too soon to be leaving their kids. Anything can happen. Therefore, we must make the most of the lives we are given. Each day is a gift, and we should treat it as such. I must admit that there are days when I dread getting out of bed in the morning, and the very thought of spending seven hours of my day with a bunch of seven-year-olds wears me out to the core. However, I should be THANKFUL that I have been given the gift to get out of bed each morning, and the pleasure to follow my passion. I want to live with no regrets, and make the life I am living significant.

On a lighter note, I have another funny first grade story to share with you all!

Katie: "Connor called me a chick!"

Me: "Connor, that was a put-down to Katie. I don't want to hear you saying 'chick' anymore!"

Awesome (who is sitting nearby, obviously eavesdropping): "Well, he can say that if he is referring to the animal."

Me: "Uh...yes, Awesome, he can say the word 'chick' if he is referring to a baby chick, but not to a girl."

Awesome: "Well, yeah..."

Seriously, where else but in the first grade could you have conversations such as these?! Haha.

I am grateful for...

1.) God.

2.) Sadie passed out on her dog bed!

3.) Going to dinner with my mom tonight.

Sadie, AKA "Marley"

I swear my yellow lab, Sadie, is Marley reincarnated! I am not kidding. I read the book Marley and Me by John Grogan last winter break, and it has since become one of my favorite books. Mainly because, as I said, I am living with my very own "Marley." To more fully understand what I mean, check out the link for the Marley and Me trailer coming out on Christmas. I swear that it is MY dog the movie is based on!!! http://www.marleyandmemovie.com/

For those of you that don't know Sadie, here are a few "Marley" stories I can share about her.

*Sadie ate everything as a puppy. You name it, she probably ate it. My personal favorite was when she swallowed a pair of my underwear WHOLE! No shredding, chewing, oh no. She looked JUST like Marley in the trailer when he has her necklace! All I saw were panties hanging out of her mouth, and then... GULP! They were gone. In one second flat. Other items she has eaten include shredded towels, dog bed stuffing, tons of toilet paper, and the dirt/dog hair from the bag I had emptied the Dyson dirt into. Oh yes...GROSS. She attempted to eat my students' report cards last year. I had to write "Sorry, my dog bit your report card!" on some of them! She also destroyed a remote and hid the batteries. I then thought she ATE the batteries, and googled this dilemma online. Yep, dogs can die from eating batteries. I was just about to take her to the vet instead of going to school when I for some reason thought to check under the couch. Batteries found. Death yet again escaped.

*When Sadie got spayed, she had to stay overnight at the vet. Now you would think that when a dog is SEDATED and IN PAIN, she would behave, right?! WRONG! When I picked her up the next day, the vet informed me that Sadie desperately needed some training. Now THAT made me feel like a good mom!

*I paid $800 to have my dog trained. She can sit, stay, shake, wave, lay down, spread 'em (like she's being searched by the police against a wall), speak, and even count! But does she still jump? Yes. Bark? Yes. Take things whenever her leash is not on her and run away from you with said stolen item? Oh yes. I am supposed to buy a shock collar, as per the trainer's suggestion. Do I think a $250 shock collar will help these issues? Well, the $800 dog training did not!

I must say though, she is getting better. Here is my slight glimmer of hope:

Here is the nice, new couch I bought this summer when I moved into my new apartment. It has also been the favorite resting spot of Sadie. This has caused many frustrating nights of me vacuuming the INCREDIBLE amount of dog hair off of it! Labs sure do shed a lot, especially on new furniture it seems!This is Sadie's bed that I bought from IKEA. This is how it normally looked. That is because Sadie is usually on my couch! See the problem???

However, tonight I was a mean mommy. Every time she got up on the couch, I pushed her off. I yelled. I pulled her leash. I abandoned my Masters homework assignment to discipline my dog. And here was the end result:

So maybe my "Marley" will mellow-out after all. But like Marley, Sadie has taught me a lot. She has taught me how to love something unconditionally. She has taught me how to forgive mistakes. She has taught me how to get over my fear of picking up POOP! She has taught me that no matter what happens or how often we have to move around due to mommy's crazy relationships, she will always love me. And for that I am grateful. Good dog, Sadie!

After thought...

As I was lying in bed last night after writing this post, it suddenly occurred to me that I did not share my latest and greatest "Marley moment" of Sadie's! Well, my mom and dad bought me a ring from Tiffany's for my 25th birthday present in October. I was normally good about putting it in my jewelry box, but one night I left it on my nightstand. Yep, Sadie got it the next morning while I was in the shower. Surprisingly, she did not swallow it. However, she chewed it so much that now it does not even remotely resemble a ring. It is squished completely flat. Therefore, it is ruined. My mom keeps asking, "Do you like the ring I got you?" "Yes, I do!" I say through clenched teeth. "Oh, well I just never see you wear it anymore." I don't have the heart to tell her what happened to it. Not that she would be surprised, because she knows Sadie and what she is capable of. So mom, if you happen to be reading this, I am sorry. And here is a current picture of my birthday present. Oh, Sadie....

Patience is a Virtue

Yes, patience is a virtue; and I sure didn't have a whole lot of it today. I try to keep my posts positive and encouraging, but tonight I just need to vent. I love my job, and I would not trade it for the world. However, today it was hard to be that good and patient teacher I strive so hard to be.

Here are some of the things that made today difficult...
*An administrator had to redirect two of my kids at different points in our day.
~One had his coat over his head on the way back from lunch. Yes, this seems to be a good idea in the first grade. The administrator removed the coat from the child's head and said to be careful, as he could not see walking down the hallway. So what does my student do the minute she walks away? Oh yes...he puts the coat BACK on his head. Hmmm. This warrants another talk from her. How embarrassing...
~On the way to buses, I see a different child running to his bus the minute he is free from my WALKING line. I am one of the few teachers at my school that actually cares what my students do on the way to buses, and I immediately say, "Joe, you need to walk! Try that again!" Joe gives me a blank stare. "Try that again!" I scream. With my luck, the administrator is standing near Joe's bus. She starts yelling, "Joe, your teacher is talking to you! You need to walk!" Oh boy. Well, at least I care enough to have him try it again. Eventually Joe gets the drift and shows us how to walk to his bus.

*Five of my girls have somehow magically turned into drama queens/tattle tales over Thanksgiving break. If I heard one more "Miiiiiiiiiss Ruuuuuuuwe" (say that to yourself in a drawn out, whiny voice), I think I would have pulled my hair out.

*While reading a book, I noticed a child pick up a piece of snow removal salt off the carpet. Remember that the only reason this salt is on our carpet is because it traveled via dirty shoe and fell off onto our nice, clean meeting carpet. Anyway, I saw the child put the salt into his MOUTH! "Jacob!" I screamed. "Take it out!" Ewww gross, I know. But it gets worse. Throughout the day I saw TWO MORE children attempt to eat the salt off the carpet! And those are only the three instances I saw! Who knows how much salt was consumed when I was looking at the books I was reading to them! Note to self : We need a class chat about why it is not okay to eat salt off the carpet tomorrow.

I could go on and on about why my day was a rough one, but I don't want to bore you! ;) Yet I must remind myself that in addition to these instances, the following good things happened:

*After reading a looooong story to them at reading (a Patricia Pollacco book, for all you teachers out there!), a little girl raised her hand and said, "Miss Ruwe, we love when you read books to us. Can we read another one?" This caused the entire carpet to go into an uproar of, "Yeah, read another one!" Unfortunately, we needed to get moving with our workshop. But I did make sure to read a quick book for Word Work shortly after. And I felt special that they apparently like my reading so much!

*I got a multitude of hugs throughout the day...always a mood-lifter.

*My kids made me laugh. Honestly, when DON'T they make me laugh?!

*We played "What Changed?" for our morning activity, and Emma took her shoe off as the thing she changed. Honestly, did she think we wouldn't notice that she took her entire shoe off?! But we all laughed and smiled, including Emma, and so it was a good part of our day!

Today reminded me that everyone has good days and bad days. But even on those "bad" days, there are positive things that happen. It's just a matter of noticing them. Hopefully I will notice a lot more of the positive things tomorrow!

I am grateful for...
1.) Funny stories to share.
2.) Panera's potato soup...mmmm!
3.) The ability to start fresh every day.

Thrifty Christmas Idea

I love Oprah. Sometimes her shows do not appeal to me, but usually she has a lot of cool information to share! I watched the "How to Have the Thriftiest Holiday Ever!" show on Wednesday, and they had the cutest idea! A married couple decided to have "The 12 Dates of Christmas" instead of "The 12 Days of Christmas." These 12 dates were in place of Christmas gifts to one another. Some dates were going out (ice skating, etc;) and others were simply staying in their house (baking cookies, etc.). Here is a link to the article about that part of the show:

http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20081118_tows_holiday/7

I'm not sure if me and my guy are going to do this, but I thought the idea was cute and worth passing along. Let me know if you do it and how it goes! Christmas is only a few short weeks away!!! :)

I am grateful for...
1.) A clean apartment!
2.) My kiddies (I missed them!)
3.) The long weekend I got to spend with family and my guy! :)